Break Down
by StriderX
Summary: Big Time Break Out. Not all hurts can be mended with comedy. An alternate piece to the episode. Kendall was hurting, badly. Can the guys fix it, or will Griffin finally get his wish to end BTR forever? Brotherly love, no slash, Kendall/Jo. (Rated T for some thematic elements)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Thanks for reading guys, hope you enjoy :) Part 1 of 2.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own.

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**Break Down  
****Chapter 1: Alone****  
**

"Kendall?"

"Hmm? Oh, sorry, Jo. What were you saying?"

Even from a thousand miles away, Jo could tell there was something wrong with her boyfriend. She hated when work took her out of town. Everything always went wrong at the Palm Woods while she was gone. "Are you okay?" she asked through the phone, concern seeping through her tone.

There was silence on the line for a minute; she could almost picture her blonde knight chewing his bottom lip. "Kendall?"

He sighed first. That was always a bad sign. Somehow, the Canadian winter backdrop that surrounded Jo just grew a little colder. "I'm sorry, Jo…" he started, his voice soft and small—a trait Jo had learned he only let slip out around those he was closest to. "I…it's the guys."

It was Jo's turn to sigh. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, she replied, "What'd they do now?"

He went quiet again. From her place in the quiet ski lodge, Jo sat a little straighter and eyebrows knit together. Some foreboding feeling told her this was more than just a normal squabble. "What's going on, baby?" she tried again, gentler.

When he finally spoke, his words were so soft she had turn strain to hear over the long-distance line. "Griffin wants one of us to break out. The guys are taking it seriously."

Jo's eyes widened. "Oh," inwardly, she'd feared this day would come eventually, but a big part of her had always thought it never would. The guys were too close for that…or so she'd thought. "Kendall, I'm so sorry…" Really, what could she say to that?

Kendall sighed again. "It's just…I know the whole 'boy band' thing wouldn't last forever…I just…" he paused, breathing harshly like he was struggling to keep his temper. Jo imagined him running a hand through his hair. She smiled a little. She hated it when something was bothering him, but she loved the passion in his eyes; loved how, when he was worried, his hair stood up on all angles like a crazed porcupine.

Then he spoke again and her smile vanished. "They're actually competing for who should go on their own. Griffin's only gon'na pick one…the rest get forgotten."

Jo's temper flared. She hated Griffin with a passion. The man was all greed and no heart. "Babe…" she wanted so badly to say something meaningful, but she'd never really prepared for this conversation. She'd always figured that when the band broke up it would be a friendly event, not a ruthless competition.

She thought she heard Kendall sniffle, but it could have just been static. "I don't know what to do, Jo…I feel like I'm losing my brothers…and they don't seem to care at all."

No, he was definitely sniffling. "Oh babe, I'm sure they care…maybe they're just as confused as you are?"

His deep breath told her he was trying to compose himself. "I thought James was, but now he's working on a solo album concept with Griffin…_Griffin!_ Of all people!" he stopped for a moment, voice quieting. "I'm sorry, hun…I called you to hear about your day. Not rant about this."

Jo's head shook furiously; how she wished he could see it. "No, Kendall. My day was boring," it wasn't, but she didn't care about it anymore. "You need to talk this out. What about Carlos and Logan? Have you been able to talk to them?

"No," he gave up trying to change the subject. He and Jo were too close for that. "I tried…but they're too wrapped up in it. Carlos is going for Broadway; Logan's gon'na be a game show host."

Jo couldn't help the surprised expression that crossed her face. "So that's what they'd do solo…"

"Yeah," Kendall managed to chuckle. "They're actually good at it, too…I'm pretty sure they'll do fine on their own no matter who Griffin choses."

"Well, what about you? What does "the Turd" want you to do?"

"Solo album. I actually tried, but…" there was that little sniff again. "It just felt…_wrong_ without the guys."

Jo nodded, wishing more than anything that she could wrap her arms around Kendall's waist. "Is there any way you might be able to stop it?"

"I-I don't know…I don't know what to do…"

So badly Jo searched for the right thing to say. "You're gon'na make it through this, Kendall…you guys have been together way too long to be torn apart by some corporate mogul. I mean, you've beat him before, right?" she could practically feel his eyes rolling. "Right?"

"Not when I seem to be the only one who doesn't want it."

"Try talking to them again, babe. If I know the guys as well as I think, I have a feeling they'll listen. You guys are closer than brothers. They have to."

"Yeah," Kendall finally breathed, sounding terribly unsure. "Thanks, Jo…at least I know you've got my back."

Jo smiled. "Always. Now, unfortunately I got'ta run for a stupid cast meeting. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," she could hear the fakeness in his words, but pictured the tired smile on his face. "Call me later?"

Her heart always warmed when he asked that. "Of course. Love you."

"Love you too…goodbye kiss," she giggled at the _smooch_ sound that echoed through her phone.

"Goodbye kiss," she imitated as she pulled her phone away.

From her place on the lounge couch, she worriedly touched her fingers to her lips and shook her head. With everything inside her, she prayed her favorite boys would be okay. As much as she loved Kendall for his strength, she knew that he'd crumble without James, Carlos, and Logan by his side.

Standing to leave, she stole one last look over the peaceful mountain-scape and sighed. They'd be okay, they had to be.

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Meanwhile, on the other end of the disconnected line, Kendall rested his head in his hands. He was sitting on the roof of the Palm Woods. According to Bitters, it was impossible to get up here, but the boys figured out the lock quickly. Since then, the flat plateau over L.A. had been their hiding place; their secret sanctum from all the noise and insanity of stardom. And sometimes, on nights like tonight, a safe haven where emotions were released and catastrophes were compared to tiny city streets.

From his place, leaning his back against the wall of an unused air conditioner, Kendall crossed his legs and pressed his elbows into his knees. Had he been looking up, he'd see that the sky had turned orange after sunset; the overcast of clouds reflecting florescent lights back upon the city like a radioactive nightlight.

As it was, he couldn't care less.

His smile had dropped the second he hung up with Jo. There was no one left to pretend for. Not that he _meant_ to pretend around Jo, of course. It was just that sometimes, for Kendall, emotions felt like weakness, and he didn't think he could handle anymore weaknesses today. At least not publicly.

So there he sat, hiding on the roof with his head buried in his hands, trying to ignore the burning sensation deep behind his eyes.

This was not how he planned Big Time Rush to end. Sure, he knew they wouldn't last as a boy band forever, but this ending was _so_ different than the plan. Plan A was that they'd wake up one day and decide between the four of them (no Griffin involved) that they were ready to tackle new dreams. Plan B was that they'd live out the Big Time dream until they all got married and had kids and grew out of their own fame. Again, no Griffin involved. But this plan, this Griffin-forced disbandment of competition and backbiting was _nothing_ like Kendall had ever wanted.

Kendall shook his head. Well, he thought, maybe it wasn't too late for him to get that hockey scholarship…he certainly wasn't going to participate in this stupid battle anymore.

But then, as his heart sunk to its lowest, he heard Jo's voice echoing in his head. _"Talk to them…you guys are closer then brothers…they'll listen."_

Kendall leaned his head back against the cool metal a/c unit. Of course he knew Jo was right, but what if…what if she _wasn't_? If he went and forced the guys to talk to him and found out that they really did want to break up, could he handle it?

A dark place inside Kendall's mind told him he couldn't.

Everyone thought he was so strong, but he'd lose everything without his friends…his brothers.

It'd been a long time since Kendall felt this low. Even when he thought he'd lost Jo, the pain wasn't like this. Of course it hurt—losing her was like a piece of his heart chipping away. But losing the guys? They _were_ his heart. Everything he cared about, everything he worked towards; they were in every single good memory (and bad) he had ever had.

He was just so tired. This _competition_ had been going on for two days, and Kendall hadn't slept since. And barely eaten, he realized as his stomach growled painfully. Absently, he could hear Logan in his head telling him he was being self-destructive. Kendall wasn't stupid; of course he knew what he was doing. It was the same thing he did when his father died years ago: forget self and bury focus into everyone else. He knew now, like he knew then, that he'd crash eventually. But, he figured, by then it wouldn't matter. The guys would be gone and he'd simply pass out into oblivion then have to try and fight sleep for the memories haunting him.

Of course he was being melodramatic.

It was only that right then, as silent tears finally spilled through clenched lashes, Kendall couldn't care less. He just wanted his brothers back.

**TBC...**

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**A/N:** Thanks again! Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Sup Rushers! Part 2 of 2! Enjoy! 

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**Break Down****  
****Chapter 2: Together**

It was in that state—that sad, lonely black hole—that Carlos found his youngest (yet somehow _oldest_) brother. He'd wanted to talk to Kendall alone all day, but could never seem to build up the courage. He knew he'd been acting like a fool, playing right into Griffin's hands with the whole Broadway thing. Truthfully, he didn't know what he was going to do without the guys. Broadway was in New York! There was no way he'd survive the mass scariness that is the Big City without his brothers. But he was scared, too. Logan and James seemed to be fine with the idea of breaking up. He thought maybe Kendall was, too, when he saw him recording with Gustavo earlier…but then he had tried to talk him out of Broadway. He looked so desperate, so sad.

And as far as Carlos was concerned, Kendall should _never_ look sad. He'd already been through far too much in his short lifetime.

So when Carlos silently snuck up to the roof, his loving heart broke at the sight of Kendall curled up, hiding behind an a/c unit; his soft sniffles tore through the air like the sound of broken strings.

Instantly, all of Carlos's apprehension vanished; he inched to Kendall's side and cautiously kneeled next to him.

"Kendall?" he asked, expression knitting with worry. "Are you okay?"

Having been so absorbed in his own thoughts, Kendall jumped with a violent start. He hated being snuck up on. Quickly, he ran shaking hands over his face and did his best to pull himself together. "C-Carlos!" he yelled, a little too harshly, then instantly softened at the hurt flashing on the Latino's face. "You _know_ I hate it when you sneak up on me like that."

Carlos smiled a little sheepishly. "I'm sorry…I just need to talk to you. Are you alright?"

Kendall wanted so much to lie and forget all about the past few days, but he just…_couldn't._ "I-yeah…no…" he sighed, running that tell-tale hand through his hair. "I don't want us to break up this way," he finally admitted.

Inside, Carlos felt like sobbing with relief. Maybe he wouldn't have to move to New York after all. Suddenly relaxed, he plopped down next to Kendall and sighed, "Me neither!"

"This sucks…wait…what?!" Kendall shouted, shifting to look at Carlos as his words finally sunk in. "You don't wan'na break up either? What about Broadway?"

Carlos shrugged. "I don't want to live in New York…not without you guys," Carlos's eyes were as big as a child's when he looked to Kendall again. "We don't really have to break up, do we, Kendall?"

Kendall took a deep breath and wrapped an arm around Carlos's shoulders. Inside, he was thanking Jo with every ounce of his heart…of course she'd been right. "I sure hope not, buddy…but Logan and James may have a say in that."

"Yeah," another voice suddenly sounded from behind. "We do."

As Kendall and Carlos searched for the familiar voice, Logan and James rounded the corner and plopped down, Logan beside Kendall and James beside Carlos. Kendall and Carlos stared at them expectantly, taking in their guilt-ridden faces. "We don't wan'na break up either," admitted Logan.

James nodded furiously, hazel eyes even wider than Carlos's. "Yeah. I mean, I _would_ be amazing as a solo performer," he gloated for a moment, then quickly deflated, shoulders sagging and expression lost. "But it's no fun alone."

The small group was quiet for a long moment until, slowly, sighs turned into smirks, smirks turned to grins, and laughter burst into the night air like confetti. All four found themselves wrapped in a contagious giggle fit; one by one, they fell over each other in the sheer audacity of the whole thing.

"Wait…" Kendall struggled to speak through giggles. "_None_ of us wanted this, _the whole time_?!"

Logan, James, and Carlos shook their heads even as they hyperventilated.

"Guys," Kendall tried again, still chuckling. "We have _got_ to work on our communication skills."

Slowly, the loud merriment faded away into a companionable silence, and the boys found themselves sitting in a line, shoulder-to-shoulder, staring out at the skyline like they hadn't a problem in the world.

Logan briefly mentioned that they still had to deal with Griffin, but Kendall wasn't worried. As long as they were together, they could handle anything.

Smiling to himself, Kendall thought back on his conversation with Jo. Could he really have been so foolish as to believe that the guys would leave him without even a care? Suddenly, he frowned. Shame crept up behind him as he remembered all the thoughts that had been swirling through his head. How could he have gotten so low, so quickly?

"You okay, Kendall?" James asked, instantly bursting the silence. When he first saw Kendall with Carlos, he knew something was wrong…something deeper than just a misunderstanding. Even now, he could see the faint redness rimming his best friend's emerald eyes.

Kendall looked at James and felt heat rising to his cheeks; he hated it when the older boy looked at him like that; like he could see right through his soul. And he could. Still, that didn't stop Kendall from trying to lie. "I'm fine. Just tired," he let a sleepy smile crease his eyes, the way it always did when he'd gone too long without sleep.

Suddenly it was Logan sighing, and Carlos shaking his head. "Kendall…you didn't do something stupid like, say, stop sleeping and eating during this whole mess, have you?" Logan questioned, already fearing the answer.

Feeling like a cornered animal, Kendall jumped up and laughed nervously. He really _couldn't_ lie at all. Some might argue he was even worse at it then Kelly. "What? That's ridiculous. Why would I do that? Ha…like _I_ would forget to eat or sleep…psh…"

Before he could react, James was standing before him with Logan and Carlos surrounding. "Dude, you look like you're about to pass out."

Suddenly, Kendall finally gave in. "I was scared, alright!" with his brothers staring at him, Kendall could feel himself crumbling. A part of him couldn't believe how weak he was. Tears started welling up, even though he did everything to force them back. "I-I thought I was gon'na lose you, okay! I was trying so hard to keep us together and I thought you guys actually _wanted_ to leave!"

The other three boys were taken aback by Kendall's outburst, but not entirely shocked. This is how Kendall worked: he worked himself to the bone trying to be a superhero, and when he finally broke, he crashed into a fiery explosion of yelling, punching, and (on rare occasion) crying. Guilt riddled their hearts when they realized just how much this stupid misunderstanding hurt their best friend.

"I thought you didn't care about us anymore…I thought I was gon'na get left behind!" Kendall's voice broke into a harsh whisper as hot tears streamed down his face. Still, even in that vulnerable state, James knew Kendall was anything but weak. With his fists clenched, and expression a fierce amalgamation of hurt and fury, Kendall was at the end of his rope, but James knew he still had fight left in him.

And it was James who was the first to speak. "Ken…there are no words to apologize for how stupid we've been the last couple days. But," courageously, he dared to wrap gentle fingers around Kendall's shoulders. His heart thumped when he felt the trembling through his brother's veins. "We _are_ sorry, Kendall. We were idiots. But you will never get left behind…not unless it's behind together," James smiled a little, hoping to make Kendall believe him even despite James' lack of eloquent words.

Logan and Carlos shared a glance and each placed a hand on Kendall's back. "Yeah, man," Logan stared with a sad smile. "I was a real jerk to you. I'm sorry it took me so long to listen."

"Me too!" Carlos added. "Broadway would be _soo_ boring without you!"

Looking at his friends, a calm sheath started to grasp hold of Kendall's heart. Everything was okay. His brothers were really still beside him, and they had no intention of ever leaving. Shakily, he wiped away his tears and blushed with a little smile. "Thanks, guys…sorry for freaking out."

Carlos couldn't help it; he glomped Kendall like he was made of corn dogs. Laughing, James and Logan followed suit, and soon Kendall was laughing, too. "Okay, okay!" he giggled from the center of the dog pile. "I get it! Thanks…you can get off now!"

Pulling away, Logan's expression grew serious. "Now, how 'bout we go get you some food and a minimum ten hours' sleep, hmm?"

Kendall rolled his eyes, but didn't put up much of a fight. With his brothers all around him, they snuck back downstairs through the _unlockable_ door. More than ever, Kendall knew he had the best friends in the world.

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Later, Kendall found himself lying on his bed, feeling more relaxed then he had in days. True to their word, the guys had forced him to eat a huge dinner, and then sent him off to bed as if he was ten again. In truth, Kendall didn't mind at all. After everything had been resolved, he realized all too quickly that he _was_ starving, and if he didn't sleep soon, he'd likely just pass out.

But there was one thing left to do before sleep. Pulling his phone out from his pocket, he opened his messages for a quick note:

_You were right. We're okay now. Thank you, Jo._

**End.**

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**A/N:** Thanks so much for reading!


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